IN A PANIC

                                                           

’Today there was an emergency in my house. My phone went dead and I couldn’t get the charger to work. I have no hard line phone, so I am totally dependent on my cell phone. I was in a panic mode because suddenly I realized I had lost touch with the rest of the world. I was no better off then the diabetic without their insulin or the man whose pacemaker suddenly quit working. What if the president was calling me, or Publishers Clearing house had finally quit teasing me and let me win. What if my daughter was calling me to chat and now having to go to my message center thought, “I m never going to call that old coot again.” What if? What if? What if?

There was time in my life when I was working in Pubic safety and I had to carry a pager, a radio and a cell phone. My, wasn’t I important? Then I retired and not even the wife would talk to me. For the first time in my life however it was peace and quiet. If someone called us, she was always there to answer the phone. In a way I was kind of sheltered from the rest of the world and I thought to myself, “This ain’t too shabby.” Then she passed away and I was on my own again so I bought a cell phone and quit the hard-line phone because---well I didn’t need it and the only people who called me at home were trying to sell something.

My new phone does everything. I threw my alarm clock away because it has one. I threw my camera away because it had a better one. I could block calls without paying an extra charge. I had caller I.D without paying an extra charge.” Want to see a picture of my dog. Here I have forty of them right here in my phone. I even have one where she is smiling. I think she let a sneaker. Which way is north you say? Let me dial up my compass. Can’t add 2 and 2, Let me dial up my calculator. Why is my knee hurting, is there a storm coming? Let me find my weather radar. T.V guide or goggle maps or whatever I need, there is an app for that. There is even an app to help you find the apps. Wow, I am a force to be reckoned with. I’m no longer insignificant or out of touch with the world. Don’t try to sneak one by me cause I’ll know about it.

Then this morning I noticed the battery was low so I plugged it in and nothing. No problem, I’ll call A.T&T in Brainerd. They’ll know what to do. Wait I can’t call anyone without a phone. I’ll just go there but what time do they open? Maybe I can find a pay phone to call them and ask them but the last pay phone I saw was outside of a bar in Nimrod Minnesota and someone had shot it in the heart with a deer rifle. I know I’ll go to Pat’s and use her phone but no, she’ll think I’m nuts, if she doesn’t think that already. Can’t take a chance on that. Good women are hard to find.

Maybe if I just wiggled the cord a little and-- “Oh my God Look at all the lights lighting up and it’s starting to charge. There is a God in heaven and he’s looking out for me. I’ll go to Mass tomorrow, I promise and give thanks for making it right God. But what’s that thing they always say in church at the start. “Please shut off your cell phones.” Oh My. I’m not sure I can do that.