DEALING WITH, FOR BETTER OR WORSE

Today I had a note from a dear friend who has lost her husband to dementia. She went on to say that every day brings with it new challenges for him and her. She never knows what to expect or how he will act from one day to the next. She only knows that this man, whom she has loved all of their married life, is just a shell of what he once was. That the active life he once knew is over, and hers has been put on hold caring for him; that the future for them is not a week, a month, or a year down the road—it is getting through tomorrow. Thankfully, she has family that cares and loves them both very much. Their love surrounds them, but the time always comes when they, as they must do, go home to their busy lives and it’s just her and him again.

Over the past four years, I have made it a quest to try and write about the trials and tribulations that come with aging that most of us never think about. Of all of the cruel diseases that come into our lives, dementia brings with it problems that seem especially egregious because they can last for a long time. To a loving spouse this can be a big chunk of their life, too—a chunk of life taken away at a time when they have so little left to give in the remaining years. I cared for my wife, who had cancer, for eleven months and watched it ravage her body. The time I gave was measured in months not years, and when she passed life for me returned to a form of normalcy. If I’d had a choice I would have preferred it never happened, but we don’t get a choice, do we?

A family member of my own extended family has Alzheimer’s. Over the years, I have watched him deteriorate. He is at a point now where he is locked in his own little world. Still happy, but not that aware of the world or those around him. In his better days this man was an accomplished carpenter. He still has that muscular body that came from years of tipping walls, carrying sheeting and sheet rock, but right now there is little he can do but watch television. His wife must be on guard for his well-being all of the time—giving him his meds and feeding and clothing him. You think back over the years when your kids were little, and you had to get a sitter to care for them just to have a few hours to yourself, but you knew that the day would come when they would be responsible for themselves and you would have your freedom back. The difference here was that you were dealing with a developing mind, that you had great hopes for, and not a deteriorating mind that once was great.

We have all had heroes in our lives and these two women are high on my list. A long time ago they professed their love and commitment to their spouses. Now they are showing the world and us what better or worse, sickness and health really means to them. I remember a time toward the end of my wife’s life when things were especially hectic and precarious. Maybe it showed on my face, I don’t know, but from her sickbed she told me, “I am so sorry to put you through this.” I usually have an answer for most things, but I had no answer for that except to say, “You would have done the same.” I really believe she would have cared for me in the same way.

We all have our limits and capabilities no matter what the situation. This was not meant to cast judgement on those who cannot care for their loved ones.

THE SANCTITY OF LIFE

                                             

I sometimes wish I wasn’t so bothered by the way things are in the world because it tears me to pieces to watch the suffering of so many people. Last week I saw the body of that three-year-old Syrian boy washed up on shore. Later I read that his father, who survived, buried the boy, his other sibling and his wife and returned to his homeland. He said he was only leaving Syria so his family could have freedom. He didn’t care what happened to him any longer and he was going home. Try if you can to imagine what that was like. Try to imagine burying your loved ones on some deserted beach and then going back to the hell you had tried to escape.

We in this country have never known this kind of heartache. We count our calories instead of wondering where are next meal is coming from. We know if we get sick or hurt people will rush to our aid. We know if intruders come, the police will be there to protect us. Our homes are palaces in comparison to the cramped and cold homes these people are leaving behind, to live in squalor, in tents in some far off land. Imagine packing up tonight and leaving your neighbors, your friends, your pets, and most of your belongings and then having no idea where you are going to end up. Not leaving in your warm car or on a bus or train but trekking across the country side without food or water carrying your children and the aged and then when you get to the border being turned back. Talk about the depths of despair.

It is so easy for us to ignore this carnage because all we have to do is not look. Shut of the television or turn to the baseball game or the shopping channel. Instead we will go to bed and worry about the stock market or the Vikings or the traffic on the way to work tomorrow. We will say a hurried prayer for them if we do anything at all because in reality that’s all we can do. If our government intervenes we risk more war and this country is sick of war, as is the rest of the free world. So we will sit tight and let it play out. This isn’t the first time some ruthless leader sacrificed his country and his people for his own selfish whims and it won’t be the last time as nonsensical as that is. We care-- don’t get me wrong. That’s what makes it so bad.

I go back to the little dead boy on the beach and remember when I was a firefighter and although there were many deaths over the years the deaths of children were so egregious because we as guardians are charged with keeping them safe from harm. They depend on us for that and when we fail them it is so sad because all they really wanted out of life was a chance to determine their own fate and we robbed them of that. I cried many times over the deaths of children in fires and accidents and went home to look in on my own kids. Standing in their bedroom doors in the dark and watching for their breathing before I could go back to sleep. Yet those times are just blips on the radar in the amount of lives being lost in the Middle East. One can only hope that our creator has a special place for all the little ones who have died and a hopeless, endless hell for those who exploited them.

Yes, this is the price we as Americans pay, for caring about the sanctity of life.

REMEMBERING

Some days I close my eyes and I’m back in my hometown of Staples. It’s the mid-nineteen fifties and I’m twelve years old. Today I got up to another warm, cloudless summer day and put on my old cutoff jeans, a ragged tee shirt that is much too big for my skinny frame, and some old scruffy tennis shoes with connecting knots in the laces where they have broken and been retied many times. I have some cornflakes and make a peanut butter sandwich on homemade bread, wrap it in wax paper and head out the door. It’s August and I know summer vacation is drawing to a close and I need to pack each remaining day with as much adventure as I can.

My bike lies in the wet grass where I left it last night and I wipe off the seat, wet with the morning dew, with the tails of my tee shirt and head for Arnie’s house. Today we’re going to go north of town to the river and find the raft we made last week out of logs and baling twine and hid in the brush. With shades of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, we’re going to float down the river today. We have a starting point but no ending point; we’ll just go until the fun runs out but in the back of mind is a dream that if we were older and braver, we’d be on our way to New Orleans. My parents and Arnie’s parents know only that were going to the river today. They have no idea what we are going to do when we get there—or when we are coming back. Our plan, when we are tired and done with our adventure, is to let the raft float away and hitchhike back to town. Then find someone to take us back out to retrieve our bikes.

 I think how carefree life was back then. Hitchhiking although illegal was done all of the time. I was yet to hear the word pedophile, or pervert. We trusted everyone. Girls were simply the opposite sex and drugs were something your mom got for you, when you were sick, at the pharmacy. We had no money or watches or phones for anyone to steal—not that we believed that could happen anyway. No jet skis or personal watercraft to play on. Part of that carefree attitude came because we weren’t really responsible for much at that age but part of it came, too, because we lived in a kinder gentler world. Kinder and gentler because it was far less complex then today’s world and we had not yet lost our innocence.

As we age we often rebel against the world we now live in and that’s normal. It was that age of our innocence  I spoke of that we remember now, but time has a way of stripping you of that. Now, you don’t want to conform to the present time because you once knew, at least in your mind, a better way. What once was a pristine world is now seemingly polluted and jaded, physically and morally. I remember, years ago, a fresh snowfall and standing on the back porch, gazing out over the beauty of an unblemished landscape. Then, I stepped out into it and went down the road and retrieved the morning paper. When I returned, and before I went inside, I looked back once more and I couldn’t help but think, while looking at my tracks, that I had ruined the whole thing.  Yes, for every action by man, necessary or not, there is a reaction, and it’s not always pretty. Shannon Alder said, “There comes a time in your life when you have to choose to turn the page, write another book or close it.”

LABOR DAY

As I travel around the Brainerd Lakes area, it’s hard to go very far without seeing help wanted signs by local merchants. With unemployment hovering around 10% in this area, my first reaction is this. Why is it, when there are so many employers, looking for help-- that we still have people without jobs? I thought about this long and hard and this is what I came up with.  Like always, there are two sides.

Work can’t just be seen in the concept of you work-- and you make money. Some of the other good reasons for working are self-esteem and having a purpose and a reason to get up each day. The relationships you develop while meeting and working with other people is priceless. You are more active while working and your body likes you to be more active and will respond by working better for you.

Some of the reasons for not working are, it’s not hard to live at the same pay grade as a lot of the working people in this country, by simply taking handouts and government programs. There used to be a stigma that went with this and unless you were unable to work it was almost shameful to do. But no longer is that true. One other reason is an inflated ego that says, “I’m not going to do that. I’m better then that.” Well I’m here to tell you that if your sitting home watching television, instead of working “You’re not better then that.” You just think you are. If you get out there and be a part of a team, in a working society, you might meet that person someday that will pay you what you think you’re really worth.

There have been efforts to raise the wages of part time and entry-level jobs and I support that. But on the other hand we need to have a tax climate for business’s to help their bottom line also. Are business’s greedy? I don’t think so, most of the new ones fail within a year. That wasn’t there intention when they first started up. Competition can be fierce sometimes. But the ones that survive do so because they recognize how important two groups of people are. Their customers and their employees and they do their best to take care of both of them.

There is phrase that doesn’t get mentioned much anymore and it’s called “Work ethic. “  It’s not for sale anywhere and schools rarely teach it. Most people find this harbored deep in the genes of the people they grew up with.  Work may get you rich monetarily someday or on the other hand it may just richen you socially but it will go a long ways to making you feel good about yourself. My father was steeped in work ethic, working from day up to sunset most of his life. He died, not a rich man, but a fulfilled man because he knew that whatever he had-- he worked hard for. He also knew that his children saw that look of satisfaction on his face and wanted nothing more then to emulate him.  I look at those help wanted signs around Brainerd and I always remember one of Dad’s favorite sayings. “There is always a job for a person who wants to work.” I’ve seen the truth in that in my life. Something our government can’t seem to figure out is-- if there were more people paying payroll taxes and less people living off the taxpayers, we would be better off. On the other side, if you truly can’t work and need assistance. God bless you. Be proud.

WE NEED A LEADER

                                              

At the church I attend, our Priest, will sometimes throw his notes aside and just speak from his heart at homily time. Almost always, you get the feeling that he is being extra serious about his job and he doesn’t feel the need to quote others or dazzle us with flowery presentations from learned people. He just seems to say, “If I can’t convince you with my own words and actions of the seriousness, of living our lives through God, then I have failed.” I really don’t believe that in this man, of whom I speak of-- that failure is even on the table. I think what sets him aside, at least in my mind, is he’s in his thirties and it’s not the wisdom of age so many leaders use as their credentials that drives him. It’s just some God given gift that few people have.

So often in life I have met people who through their examples change the very way you think and feel. It’s not just clergy, it can be teachers, parents and bosses or your best friend or even the guy/gal next door. Were cautious creatures, always sitting on the fence of life waiting to be pushed or pulled one way or the other. Indecisiveness is not a weakness as many might think. For most of us, it’s simply a time to stop and think before we leap. Did you ever notice, why it is so easy to walk forward and so hard to walk backwards? That’s mostly because walking forward seems to be filled with hope, opportunity, an eye to the future and a goal in mind and your looking right at it. Walking backwards smacks of retreating blindly, failure and somehow, starting back over again.

My life has long been fraught with one step forward and two steps back and I often think-- such wasted energy. Have you every wondered why older people seem to be more content? Yes I know-- and I agree, they’re mostly retired and they have less going on in their lives, so consequentially they have less to get upset about. But I think it’s also because they have been there and done that and even if they are physically walking slower then ever, they seem to be one step ahead of others. This is because their efforts are mostly in the right direction. True most old people don’t take direction very well anymore but unless their minds are weak they seem to seldom need direction.

But back to what I was talking about on the first paragraph. People whom at a young age seeming to already have a following. Last Sunday this same Priest talked about Peter and how for a while he didn’t really trust his Lord.  But then he relented and went back to follow him. Trust is what it’s really about isn’t it when we look for a leader? We have an election coming up and the politicians are jockeying around trying to win over our hearts and our votes. But we don’t trust them anymore. My question is this. Where is that man or woman whom we will trust to lead us? Has our government gotten so tainted that they are all bad? Do we have to pick from a blowhard business man or a Secretary of State whom no one seems to trust, or a wishy washy ex governor? Where is the person who will shun the wishes of the lobbyists and the political parties? The person who will say “no” to the leeches who sponge of our government and “yes” to those who want a better life for all of us. Where is that person, who will be his or her own person and one that we can trust?

FALL DAYS AGAIN

It’s the dog days of August already and all of those things in nature that I wrote so excitedly about last May are moving again, but in the wrong direction. The trees are exfoliating, the flowers have said “enough.” The goslings are all grown up and the fawns have lost their spots.  Along with the memories of this summer are all of those things I was going to get done this season and didn’t. But then I’m at a point in my life when my activities are no longer as regimented as they used to be. It can wait for another day, another summer or maybe it won’t get done at all and that’s all right. “What’s that you say you’re giving up on life?” No, not at all. I’m Just tying to keep things going, in the order of their importance. A year from now no one will remember if I painted the house, or changed the carpeting. I will remember making friends with my new neighbors, or a night I shared with my family at the fireworks in Crosby Ironton on the 4th. Concerts in the park in Crosslake and walks with Pat and our dogs or Chef Andy’s delicious beer can chicken and Monica’s healthy salads.

For me this will be the summer that I will remember my Grandsons wedding and my family being all-together again. The countless conversations I had with old friends under a bright blue summer sky, cruising the chain on Marv’s pontoon. Chats with my neighbor Andrea and conversations with Harry. Coffee with the old coots at Pine Peak’s solving the world’s problems. There are times when you no longer have anything that’s important to say to each other, so you tell some stupid joke you told before, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Just being together is what it’s all about and so often just a smile or a good laugh can say what words simply can’t convey. We all remember all to well an empty chair. Summer accentuates these times, by giving us this beautiful stage to meet on before the cold winds blow once more and we shutter and close the doors or some of us scatter south. I mentioned my new neighbors who have small children and what a breath of fresh air it was this year, in a neighborhood of old people, to hear kids playing in the water and enjoying the lake.

Fall sneaks up on you. At first the changes are subtle. You notice a bite in the air when you go get your paper in the morning. The days grow shorter and sometimes it seems like summer is beating a hasty exit but then you adjust and what was once an eight p.m. walk with the dog, to avoid the heat of the day, is now done at six and then four and suddenly you realize you have milked it for all it was worth and you reach a place in your life where you cross-over from the summer that was --to the fall and winter yet to come. Yes the summer of 15-- now belongs to the ages.

 I have always felt that New Years Day should have been celebrated on May first and not January first. You see, at least for me, that is when so much of life really begins. Someday I hope to chronicle my life and I know now, that so much of my story will have taken place in summer. It’s Sunday evening in late August as I write this and the daily parade of pontoons circling the lake has begun. It’s not a big lake and the trip isn’t far and the parade has dwindled in size. Many of the people have left for the city and their jobs. Some of them say, “There is too much of a chill in the air” and have put their pontoons away already. It’s time to enjoy autumn.

PUTTING THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE

                                    

I really hate to discuss my illnesses with people in this forum but this spring I was presented with some bladder issues. Until you have this problem you really do not appreciate the complexities of the system that helps you get rid of unwanted water. For years, you simply found an appropriate place to do it and did it and yes for you ladies, I understand the places to do it are not as readily available as they are for us guys but be that as it may be. This is the one advantage in the world they can’t take away from us---right boys.

For most of my life I have taken the elimination of bodily wastes’ for granted. When the urge came upon me, I simple looked for the right facility, or place and accomplished what was needed. Elimination was as second nature for me as thinking and breathing and required neither a lot of skill or practice. People have learned, when changing the diaper on a baby boy, to stay out of range of that thing or risk getting wet. But alas as old age has crept in, certain functions have seemed to lose their way, as well as their pressure and I have had to acquire a whole new set of skills. For you see, you simply can’t just decide not to go. It’s no time to be stubborn.

I used to think the brain was the leader of the pack of bodily organs when it came to the complexities of the human body. That when the brain shut down, all worldly functions seemed to cease to exist. After all, I was taught while being a Firefighter that the absence of brain function was the absence of life and so you were simply declared deceased. This always seemed to me to minimize the importance of other bodily functions, as not really being all that essential to life but old age can tell you different.

You need to think of the body as an old coal fired furnace. As long as you shovel in some coal, add water to the boiler, take out the ashes and relieve the steam, things seem to work okay and you have heat. But quit shoveling in the coal, and get caught with too much water, it chokes itself off and the fire goes out. Quit taking out the ashes and you simply run out of room. You need to keep that perfect balance to maintain a good working body. But as the furnace and boiler get older they sometimes develop leaks or valves that won’t open up at all and trouble starts brewing. Unfortunately you can’t just tighten up the packing nut or throw in a can of stop leak when these things happen.

We have long held neurologist and brain surgeons in high esteem in the medical world. But I am here to tell you that proctologist and urologists play a very important part in keeping us up and running and unless the back door is taken care of, the front door and what’s above it might just as well close up shop. As for me, I now embrace, what I used to think of as just another bother. As for right now, I have to go-- and quickly I might add.-- I may even have ashes to haul.

IN A PANIC

                                                           

’Today there was an emergency in my house. My phone went dead and I couldn’t get the charger to work. I have no hard line phone, so I am totally dependent on my cell phone. I was in a panic mode because suddenly I realized I had lost touch with the rest of the world. I was no better off then the diabetic without their insulin or the man whose pacemaker suddenly quit working. What if the president was calling me, or Publishers Clearing house had finally quit teasing me and let me win. What if my daughter was calling me to chat and now having to go to my message center thought, “I m never going to call that old coot again.” What if? What if? What if?

There was time in my life when I was working in Pubic safety and I had to carry a pager, a radio and a cell phone. My, wasn’t I important? Then I retired and not even the wife would talk to me. For the first time in my life however it was peace and quiet. If someone called us, she was always there to answer the phone. In a way I was kind of sheltered from the rest of the world and I thought to myself, “This ain’t too shabby.” Then she passed away and I was on my own again so I bought a cell phone and quit the hard-line phone because---well I didn’t need it and the only people who called me at home were trying to sell something.

My new phone does everything. I threw my alarm clock away because it has one. I threw my camera away because it had a better one. I could block calls without paying an extra charge. I had caller I.D without paying an extra charge.” Want to see a picture of my dog. Here I have forty of them right here in my phone. I even have one where she is smiling. I think she let a sneaker. Which way is north you say? Let me dial up my compass. Can’t add 2 and 2, Let me dial up my calculator. Why is my knee hurting, is there a storm coming? Let me find my weather radar. T.V guide or goggle maps or whatever I need, there is an app for that. There is even an app to help you find the apps. Wow, I am a force to be reckoned with. I’m no longer insignificant or out of touch with the world. Don’t try to sneak one by me cause I’ll know about it.

Then this morning I noticed the battery was low so I plugged it in and nothing. No problem, I’ll call A.T&T in Brainerd. They’ll know what to do. Wait I can’t call anyone without a phone. I’ll just go there but what time do they open? Maybe I can find a pay phone to call them and ask them but the last pay phone I saw was outside of a bar in Nimrod Minnesota and someone had shot it in the heart with a deer rifle. I know I’ll go to Pat’s and use her phone but no, she’ll think I’m nuts, if she doesn’t think that already. Can’t take a chance on that. Good women are hard to find.

Maybe if I just wiggled the cord a little and-- “Oh my God Look at all the lights lighting up and it’s starting to charge. There is a God in heaven and he’s looking out for me. I’ll go to Mass tomorrow, I promise and give thanks for making it right God. But what’s that thing they always say in church at the start. “Please shut off your cell phones.” Oh My. I’m not sure I can do that.

ABOUT FAMILYS

                                               

Yesterday was our annual family reunion and the thirty-ninth year in a row the Holst Family has gathered together. These reunions are bitter sweet for me, because first and foremost they are a simple reminder of what the ravages of time have done to the charter members, my siblings and me. Sadder yet is the absence of some of them. Mom and dad, our brother Kenny, Kitty and our nephew Jim. But in the end we get together to honor their memory, as well as to renew old friendships.

When Dad passed away, the honorary elder of the family became me, through this cruel act of attrition. I want to say life is kind of like peeling an onion, except it’s not always the outer peel that goes first. Example me. We’re a funny family, the only way you can leave the ranks is to die and then you can expect, were still going to talk about you, but in a kinder gentler way. We give up on no one.

I think what brought me front and center yesterday was my nephew and his wife brought their weeks old baby boy and all I could think was “Yes the beat goes on.” There we stood, the alpha and the omega of the Holst family, at least for now. My father was adamant that these reunions take place every year. Dad could have made a billion bucks and owned the world but it all would have paled in comparison to his love and pride for his family. This was his destiny in life to do as the lord asked him to do, “Go forth and multiply,” and he should get an A+

One of the biggest ills in our society--- No, let me rephrase that-- the biggest ill in our society is the breakdown of the basic family structure. If all the mom’s and dads in this country today had the same sense of pride and satisfaction, as dad had in his family, this would be a far better world for all of us to live in. You can pour all of the money you want into education and social programs and you will never take the place of loving parents or guardians. When I looked at that baby boy yesterday and all of the other children that were there, I shared dads values because nothing, but nothing, is more important then those kids. If we want them to be there for us someday, then we need to be there for them now. We didn’t get this earth from our forefathers; we borrowed it from our kids. Our family isn’t unique; there are lots of good families out there that feel the same way we do about our families but no one is writing about them. The media prefers to write about the bad boys and ignore the good ones.

 I want to leave you with a little human-interest story. I’m grocery shopping a while back and the woman in front of me, embarrassed and upset, doesn’t have enough money to pay for her groceries and she is picking out a few items to return. At the other end of the line from me is a young man bagging the groceries he just paid for and he sees her quandary. He comes over and picks up what money she did have on the counter and puts it back in her hand and gives the clerk his credit card. She looks like she’s going to cry and is shaking her head no. He says ‘I insist on this and don’t take this away from me. “  As for me.-- I want to meet his parents.

CHARLESTON

                                                            CHARLESTON

I was saddened to hear of the shootings in that church in Charleston a few weeks back. It seems not a week goes by and sometimes not even days or hours between such incidents, where another person takes it upon his/her self to take someone’s life, just because they represent something to him or her they don’t like. But despite all of the nonsensical arguments of the gun lobby blocking background checks and the other side of the aisle that wants all of our guns taken away, the real problem lies in the hatred that runs unabated in this country. It is utterly foolish to think we can strip away all of the means that someone can use to hurt someone. It is equally foolish to think that if you strap that big iron on your hip you’re safe.

A couple of days after the shootings I listened to the friends and relatives of the victims, as it seemed they almost felt more sorry for the shooter, then for their loss. I could only shake my head and say. “My God I wish I could be that forgiving of people who have harmed me or my loved ones.” What faith-- what an example to this weary screwed up nation, filled with hate and erupting egos. What’s also a shame is despite those of us who profess to be Christians-- and by the way for me, that is where that attitude of forgiveness was first introduced, that we seem to be shocked to see that happen. Here were forgiving people, walking the walk and not just talking the talk.

I would pray that those who feel that hate is the way to solve our problems in this country, would follow the example of those humble people in Charleston. Those who gave us all an example of how to live. I am often drawn in my life to the prayer of St Francis of Assisi when he prayed, “Lord make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred let me sow love. Where there is injury pardon.” Think of what I just quoted and then think of what those people said to that man who killed their loved ones and tell me you can’t draw a parallel there.

Life seems to be some days a battle between humility and arrogance. Greed and selfishness, against love and caring. People hate others they know nothing about, for no other reason then simply because they are different then them. Their own selfish twisted minds, for some crazy reason, think they are the poster boys for all that is good in this world, when in reality its actually visa versa. Annj Somany said and I quote,” There is no respect between the souls of two individuals if their minds can’t trust each other and there is no trust between them, if there hearts can’t except the truth of each other.”

We are a nation of immigrants from all over the world. We have to accept that there is going to be great differences in how we look, how we worship, the languages we speak and even the food we eat. That’s what was supposed to make this nation great. That we would be this great melting pot and in a more perfect world we would draw strength and wisdom from each other and maybe somewhere down the road-- we would be a more perfect society, carved out of the best of everyone and that we would love and respect each other. It hasn’t worked out that way because acceptance and humility doesn’t seem to be in our nature.

A WEDDING

                                                            

So today is my Grandsons wedding. Today is the day when his life changes and he now becomes responsible for another person. The day when #1 is not he anymore but she, and he, and today he tells her this in front of his family and friends and they become one. It’s also the day when they both leave their parents and start this wonderful journey through life together, in this institution that we call marriage.

I remember back to the day when my son, his father, took that step and from that relationship with his mom, came him and his siblings. I remember even farther back when I took his grandmother for my bride and it pains my heart today that she didn’t live to see this but it also makes me proud that she played a big part in this day. That in Mike’s genes lays snippets of her genetic makeup and I hope and pray that some of her goodness that we all learned to love and cherish will carry on.

When you think about it, this is probably the most serious commitment he will ever make in his life, when he joins with her and asks to share their lives in harmony. To someday, maybe, make more branches on the family tree by bringing new life into this world. A life that will be an extension of both of them. That day you not only become a parent but a teacher, through your good example. For both of them their own parents long ago cast the die and they only need to keep it going.

I think for a grandfather a day like this is bittersweet. You think back to the night he was born and from that day on, life came at you in fast motion. Each time you saw him he was an inch taller and five pounds heavier. His parents lived downstairs from us, while his dad built their new home and you could hear him laugh and cry through the floors and there was always that bubble of pride when you realized “That’s my namesake, my grandson I hear.” You remember the days of swimming and fishing and hunting together and going to his football games and Christmas’s and then all to fast-- graduation and those first steps out into the world and now this today.

I have a picture of him, along with all of my grandchildren displayed on the wall right over my head where I write. I call it my wall of pride. Each year his mom would give us a new picture and each year we would tuck the old one behind it and today I took the frame down and followed his life backwards from adulthood to his baby picture and then I shed a few tears because I was so thankful for the life God gave both of us and that we were able to take this journey together. That through all the years he was kept safe and now he has found someone to love, who loves him back and I hope that someday he will be where I am now-- and know just what I am talking about. I know that all over this world, this scene plays out over and over again and for many of you readers you are nodding your heads and saying, “I know just how you feel. I have been there and done that.”

 It’s a beautiful day here at the lake today. The sun is shining and July has never been lovelier. Lilly’s are blooming in the garden and the hostas are sending up their blooms too. The breeze that blows across the lake today, for me, is the winds of change. But for today they are all just garnish on the over-all picture, for this day belongs to Mike and Page, and now I have to leave. I have a wedding to attend.

LAWS

I firmly believe that sometime in the near future, the religious freedoms that our founding fathers left their homes in England to pursue in a new world, will be challenged. Already there are signs of this and tough talk from those who wish to redefine the way Christians live. In the years that I have been upon this earth I have seen a steady erosion of the principals that defined the constitution that those brave people set up, as rules to live by. Over the years changes have been made to the amendments but almost always as an addendum to the existing rules, to keep up with changing times. Now they’re talking about gutting the first amendment. The first amendment to the constitution clearly states, “That congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise there of.” To force religious people to do things that are against their values is a breach of this amendment to the constitution, yet there are those who want it changed. Keep in mind the amendment says, “Congress shall make,” and not the “Supreme Court shall make” and there -in lies the problem.

I have lived my entire life under the direction and influence of two sets of laws. Man’s laws and Gods laws. Man’s laws are mostly mandatory and the consequences of not obeying them are spelled out and evident. Many of us obey them, not because we always respect them but because we are fearful of the punishment we will receive if we don’t. As I stated, they are mandatory so there is no option to ignore them and live as you please but there is an option to voice your opinion, as to whether you like them or not and I have. There is one other thing about mans laws that is different from Gods laws and that is, they are never set in stone. The amendments to the constitution of the United States are a good example. They don’t even resemble what our founding fathers meant them to be. They have been litigated to pieces and more changes are coming such as I talked about above.

God’s laws however were set in stone and not subject to change or misinterpreting. If you want your just reward you have to follow the rules he laid out for you in the scriptures.  Take it or leave it, an up or down vote. God doesn’t have a supreme court for you to appeal to and after you die, you are on your own. Your legal counsel can’t follow you or speak for you. Once again you are free to voice your opinion but remember there is no such thing as a constitution here to argue about. The rules are the rules. But there is an exception in case you do stray and it’s called forgiveness.

It’s a shame when a country that was founded on religious principals is asked to abandon that line of thinking because a new wave has descended upon us and we must be sensitive to their needs, even at the expense of our own needs and beliefs. We live in turbulent times with racial hatred, financial problems that have the power to ruin the country and the constant drums of war ringing in our ears. We have a broken political system that has given us a do nothing congress, engaged in constant greedy political battles and a supreme court that most people, believe oversteps it’s bounds. All of these problems need to be fixed and need our attention now but instead, all of our attention is being focused on social differences that effect a minute segment of our population.

BASEBALL AND ME

From the time I was a young man old enough to swing a bat, and agile enough to catch and throw a baseball, I lived for the sport. I was just a little guy when it came to sports. Football and basketball were out of my league, but size has no boundaries when it comes to baseball. I was quicker than the big guys, a smaller target at home plate, and I held my own on the diamond. I spent countless hours throwing the ball at the neighbor’s cement garage wall—into a twelve-inch target I painted on the wall—fielding it when it bounced back to me, and throwing to an imaginary first base. I went down to the gravel pits and hit rocks that I threw up in the air. All of the time, that imaginary noise of the crowd was in my head. Then, one summer, a badly broken leg ended my career and I never caught up again, but I never lost my love for the game. I still lived and breathed baseball. I moved to the cities and Killibrew, Oliva, and Mud Cat Grant became my heroes. I got out to the old Met whenever I could to watch my beloved Twins. Then they moved to the Metro Dome and life became too busy for me. So, for fifteen years I coached and went to a game or so a year. The twins, until 1987, basically sucked.

But today, for the first time in four years, I have dug out my old Twins tee shirts and sweat clothes. There has been an epiphany of sorts, and at least for now, our Twins are winning again. We know how to lose, in Minnesota, in almost every sport you choose to support. Yes, the baseball season is only one third over, but for now, I get a little giddy when we talk about our Twins and I remember 1987 and 1991.

In my mind, I go back to 1991 when I was still living in the cities and our Twins were in the World Series with the Atlanta Braves and it was game six.. I had sat glued to the TV set that night and tears had run down my speechless face when Kirby Pucket had climbed the plexi glass to take away a home run from Ron Gant. Then, my hero capped it all off by hitting a walk off home run in the bottom of the eleventh inning. I was rendered speechless and I went in and woke up my sleeping wife, who just shook her head like she felt sorry for me, and put the pillow over her head. Things like this just didn’t happen in Minnesota. Four games had been decided by one run, but none was better than this one. I tried to drive downtown to join the celebration that night, but all the roads were blocked. I just wanted someone to celebrate with and ended up going home unfulfilled.

Then, the next night it was game seven and how was anything going to top game six? This was for all the marbles, and it was the Twins Jack Morris against John Smoltz. The grizzled old veteran, for the Twins, against the young rising star for the Braves. They dueled each other for nine innings and it was still scoreless. Then in the tenth, the Braves brought in their closer, Pena. The rest is history. Dan Gladden got a hit and moved to third, then Gene Larkin hit the ball over the drawn-in outfield and the Twins were the World Champions and I was flabbergasted. This kind of thing happens in New York or L.A, but not in Minnesota.

I have in my mind a list of regrets. Things that happened during my lifetime that, not only am I ashamed of, but so very sorry for. But, not one to beat up on myself, I have a matching list of highlights. I think it’s only fair to do that. Somewhere, in those highlights, are those two nights of baseball in 1991. Can it happen again? Let’s hope.

WHAT DOES THE FOURTH OF JULY MEAN TO YOU ?

                                     

I have always remembered a particular 4th of July celebration when I was a youngster growing up in Staples Minnesota back in the fifties. That year the National Guard brought a tank to be in the annual parade. It was the biggest war machine I had ever seen, coming down old highway 10 on rubber treads, with its own contingent of soldiers behind it. Just before it got to the semaphore that used to be at fourth street north, they shot off that big gun. It was a blank charge for sure, because had it not been, it probably would have blown up the Farmers Oil Station on the west end of town. As it was, the concussion, rattled and broke store windows downtown. The doors to the Legion and Vets club slammed open and startled World War II vets came running out into the afternoon sun. They were sure the peace they had fought so hard for, was in jeopardy again.

It’s hard to imagine what it sounds like when a tank shoots off that big gun, unless you have heard it. It’s hard to imagine, shooting that cannon at other people but they often did, in the heat of battle. That day the big gun was shot of in a celebratory way because only a few years before our country had won the biggest war of all time. Yes our freedom, our very way of life, had been threatened and we stiffened and bristled at the foe and said, “Not as long as we remember what freedom is all about.”

We have threats against our country almost every day now, but they seem minuscule to what we faced then. Not that they’re aren’t serious threats against our country now but our whole attitude has changed and left me wondering, if freedom isn’t valued today, the same way it was back then. We have had many wars since then but they seemed to be more of a distraction to people then a threat. Some of them were politicians wars and some of them were in response to a threat against us but in the end there never was a victory celebration and you know what?  Maybe that was because there never was a clear-cut victory and maybe it was because when your house is divided against itself, as ours was then, and is now, no one really gives a rip. No one but the brave soldiers who died, just as dead in Korea and Vietnam and the Middle East as those who were cut down and bobbed in the surf at Normandy and Iwo Jima. No one was hurt more then those who came home from Viet Nam to be spit on and scourged, by an ungrateful public.

In a few years we will bury the last of the World War II veterans. We will forget about Rosie the Riveter and ration stamps and liberty ships and flying fortresses. We will forget about young men and women who lied their ages for a chance to go off to war, out of a sense of duty. We will forget about Gold Star Mothers who proudly wore their lapel pins, wet with their tears of sorrow and pride. History books will abbreviate the story, because well--it just won’t be that much of a story anymore. Gravestones will be forgotten and covered with moss. Why is it that you have to be at the point of losing your freedoms, before they become important to you again? This Fourth of July, People   will go to the lake to shoot off bottle rockets and ewe and awe at the fireworks. They will drive by shuttered Legion and Vets clubs, as the ones in Staples are and the thing they will celebrate the most-- is the four-day weekend.

FATHERS DAY

                                                

Last Sunday was Father’s Day, and as I thought about what to write to honor our dads, I wanted it to be something different than I usually write. I didn’t want to write about my dad, or my grandpa, as deserving as that would have been. I fully realize that many of you also had a great dad like I had, and your memory bank is full of fond memories of him. For some of our younger people, you are still reaping the benefits of a loving father. You know now how much that man means to you. Sadly, for some of us, instead of “we know now what he means to us,” it’s “what he meant” to us. But I wanted to also write to all of the people who, as they were growing up, never had a dad in their lives—because I know you could tell us better than anyone what it was you missed the most. I want to write about it today, because I believe “missing fathers” is a part of the problem in our society today.

What is a good dad made of, and what is it that you, as an absent father, missed out on by not being there? Then there are those who, as a father, couldn’t be there through no fault of their own, and what did you both miss out on? I’m not here to cast any stones or make any judgments. I’m just here to paint a picture of what I believe a father’s role is in the family, and why it’s so important to both of you.

We come into life, virtually, as blank slates. From the day we are born until adulthood, our dads play such an important part in our development. All too often we think of dad as the breadwinner and the protector in the family, and that may have been true many years ago, but roles have changed so much, and in a lot of families it’s just not true anymore. My mom never worked outside of the home and my dad worked from sunup to sundown to provide for his large family. This role gave us, his kids, very little time with him as he was largely busy. Somehow though, as hard as it was for him, he made time. For us kids, it was almost a competition for Dad’s attention.

Fast forward to today with many moms working, and dads have had to learn how to brush out a little girl’s hair and make a ponytail; balance two kids in his lap, and read them a bedtime story; make macaroni and cheese for supper, and take three kids, in their pajamas, to the Dairy Queen to keep a promise. Or just sit and hold a colicky baby that cries every time you lay her down. It seems that the line we had in the sand between mom’s roles, and dad’s roles, has been largely erased. But, in a way, that is good. For you see, from the time she and you made the decision to have a family, you made a commitment, not only to the child but to each other, to be there for your kids. Eighteen years is not a long time and that’s about all the time you get to make your mark with that child. Not only to provide for them and nourish them, but also to teach them the things only a parent can teach a child. Things that come sprinkled with the love only a parent can give. Life is filled with many precious moments, but believe me, none are so special as the time you have with your kids.

Think back to a time when you rocked your infant child to sleep. As you held him/her in your arms, you looked down at them sleeping, and for a brief moment, nothing could be more serene than that picture lying in front of you. All your hopes and dreams lay there, wrapped up in that tiny child. You knew, then and there, what a father’s purpose in life really was.

TIME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

                                    

I have had many lists that I have compiled over the years. There is my wish list, which rarely changes because---well lets face it. It’s a wish list and Publishers Clearing House hates me. My bucket list that changes a lot because I have fulfilled a few things off it and found a few more things that tickled my fancy. My honey do list because I like doing things for her as she does for me. My Christmas list and my grocery list are two more. Then there is my dreaded S#@% list although to be honest I found it distasteful a long time ago and I don’t have anyone on that one anymore. I have found there are people in life I should tastefully ignore. I also realize they probably have the same opinion of me and I learned a long time ago, if the tail isn’t wagging and the lips are pulled back. Moving on is the best move.

I have become more adventurous in my old age and a Lot of things that were on my bucket list; have been brought front and center. Especially since I have an adventurous companion to share the fun with. I have told you many times that I’m a realist and I know that time is not on my side and its almost time for me to fish or cut bait. For years it was always something to not get that worked up about. Tomorrow would come and with it a new opportunity. But lately the handwriting on the wall gets bolder and bolder. This spring, for the first time, in a long while, I had some health concerns and nothing that was really going to put me down for the long haul but long enough to get my attention and it did.

Bob Dylan wrote in his lyrics to “The Times they are a changin. “Come gather round people, wherever you roam, and admit that the waters around you have grown and except it that soon you will be drenched to the bone. If your time to you is worth saving, then you better start swimming or you’ll sink like a stone. For the times they are a changin.” Dylan was a young man when he wrote these lyrics and ironically he and I are the same age. He had great foresight and I bet those prophetic words mean much more to him today, they when he wrote them.

For so many of us elders the times they really are a changin and like it or not we can choose to except it or ignore it, but we can’t overrule it. Were not in charge anymore. As humans we live our entire lives in three dimensions, the past, the present and the future. There was a time when the future was bright and less uncertain and we couldn’t wait to live it, just as soon as we could get there and we all planed on doing just that. As for the past, we were still making most of our memories and they were way too fresh to ruminate on so we essentially lived in the moment with an eye to the future. But there comes a time later in life when we still live much of our time in the moment like we always did-- but now our eyes are turned 180 degrees to the past, more and more and more each day.

Here’s Dylan again.

“The line it is drawn, the curse it is cast. The slow one now will later be fast. As the present now will later be past. The order is rapidly fading and the first one now will later be last. For the times they are a changin.”

I wonder if he realized back then how spot on he was. I know when I heard those words back in the sixties they didn’t mean what they mean to me now.

TO THE GRADUATES

                                                

I have written often about the troubles that beset our nation and how we, the oldest generation were not good stewards of this country. How greed and power caused us to ignore the ramifications of our style of living and we have left those of you who are just starting your adult journey, holding a lot of baggage. Life will throw you enough curve balls on its own and having to deal with someone else’s mess only adds more pain to the misery. But if there is one thing life has taught me along the way, it’s not to give up and sometimes, what is done is done and you need to get by it. Far better to be a survivor then a quitter.

The bad decisions that have placed this nation in peril are only part of the problem. The other part of it is the world gets more complicated by the day. More pressure on people to be connected by electronic technology. More demands on your time and talents, all in a never-ending rat race to rise to the top of the ladder. Mediocrity seems to not be fashionable anymore; you need to be a doctor or a professor and not a carpenter or a farmer. There is no glory in that and in the meantime the roles of mothers and fathers have been diminished. Right now the birth rate in this country isn’t keeping up with the deaths. And if you do the math we will end up with a whole lot of silver heads and no one to care for them.

But back to being survivors. For every problem there is a solution and yes some of them are more elusive then others. Its not the degree of difficulty that gets in the way as often as the willingness to confront the problem and do something about it and not tomorrow-- but right now. You as graduates have some hard decisions to make but recognize that most of the wrong decisions have largely been made all ready. Look around you and it’s easy to see what works and what doesn’t. If you have the fortitude, the tenacity not to repeat the past, you can and will change this. You have a mess to clean up yes-- but that’s what life is all about-- cleaning up messes and most often not your own.

I am going to give you some advice that will make your job easier and in the long run will spurn cooperation with your peers and that is an essential part. Number one respect and love your fellow man and this earth. I’m not going to get all Christian on you but this country was founded on Christian principals. That was one of the hard-core rules of our founders and believe me it works. The old golden rule. Number two turn your back on greed and power and listen to your own inner voice. You are the people that will save this country through a cooperative effort and not through the bobble heads in Washington who are manipulated by money and power. Hopefully in the course of a few elections you could change that too. Resolve to leave this earth a far better place then you found it, so some day when you are old and outside looking in like I am, you can truthfully say to the graduates of your day. “We brought this nation back from the path of destruction and if you pay attention to what has happened, you can see, we have left you a whole lot of good examples and all you really have to do now, is maintain the status quo.”