BIT'S AND PIECES

 Well, my columns have been all over the place the last few weeks, so I thought it was time to revisit some old subjects you might be wondering about. First, this update on my new Lab puppy who, by the way, now weighs sixty pounds. She hasn’t eaten any more shoes for some time now, but she is still hiding them. I am down to my sandals and my hunting boots for footwear right now. The sandals are comfortable, but a little breezy when doing yard work, and the cameo boots are too noisy in church, and don’t look good with my suit pants. She has eaten a pint of wood filler, which she did pass through her system. I burnt it in my fire pit and it burned for three days. I did, however, run it through the log splitter first. She also ate a family of mice she found in the garage—and regurgitated them on my feet at suppertime one night. One of them was still alive, so she isn’t chewing her food well enough. No wonder she got sick. She still likes to sit on my lap when the moment strikes her, but it is not a graceful mount. She launches herself from about ten feet away, usually when I am reading the paper, with a cup of coffee in my hand. This sends my recliner into a backward flip, and needless to say, it’s not good. She presents herself at the back door and whines when she wants to go outside, which is about thirty times a day and usually right after I sit down. Otherwise, things are pretty good.

With the elections close at hand, the Sunshine Boys—that intellectual group of old men who live in this town, and who meet each day for the good of all of us—had their annual meeting at an undisclosed location because one of our members may, or may not, be in the witness protection program. The members came up with some new suggestions for the next City Council. The following is from the official minutes of that meeting. First, they would like to see a drive-up window for building permits and ten-minute service at City Hall. In the winter, they want both of the streetlights in town to be on motion detectors to save energy; and they want the Crow Wing County Maintenance Department to drain Adney Lake so we can either prove, or dispel the claim, that Fergie caught a seven pound three ounce Crappie, and then put it back. We also want the city to apply for matching federal funds so we can buy a slightly used Saturn 7 Rocket for the Fourth of July fireworks this year. Think big is our motto. There was also a suggestion that came out of the St. Patrick Day’s parade traffic jam this year—that next year we all park in Emily and Pequot and take shuttle buses. One member wanted to know when we were going to get light rail. There was a motion to require all poachers to have silencers on their rifles in the city limits, because it wakes people up at night, but it died for lack of a second. We will not be able to conduct business this winter when the snowbirds leave, because we won’t have a quorum. There was some discussion about who started a rumor about one of our members. We were not able to resolve it, and now we have a new rumor going around about who started the rumor. By a vote of sixteen to twelve we wished Bob a happy birthday and adjourned. Respectfully submitted.

Mike Holst