FEELING FULFILLED

                                               

I love nature. Sometimes when things seem darkest I go and walk in the woods. There is always something happening there if you just take the time to absorb the happenings. And if it’s not happening right now, then just sit down and wait for it because it will come along. This isn’t something new for me; I have always felt this way. When I was a young man and moved to the cities for work I would go to a nature area close by where I lived in the suburbs, just to get away from the clutter of a bustling society I was forced to work in. The woods for me was a place to think and contemplate. Sometimes to pray and meditate when I needed outside help. I always went home, somewhat reluctantly, to face my responsibilities, but almost always feeling better even though somewhat unfulfilled. As the years went by I knew that someday, somehow, I needed to return to a place where nature was always close at hand and I did. I have never regretted it but that’s just me isn’t it?

With the deaths of Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Robin Williams, Whitney Houston, one wonders what brought them to that place in their lives, where the worlds pressures pushed down on them so much, that they had to escape, not to nature or religion but to a drug filled environment where one never gets fulfilled and then ultimately to the greatest escape of all, their untimely deaths. It seems so drastic, so unexplainable, that the very thing that took them to the top appears to be their undoing and for some reason they just couldn’t turn their back on it and walk away to a more peaceful place and I know, its not as simple as that even as I write about it.

I think we are all driven to some extent to be successful in life but there are those who say enough! And stop--- and there are those who just keep turning over shovel after shovel full of life, looking for fame and fortune and if they do find it, or some measure of it, it’s never enough, nor will it ever be and all too often they turn out doing just what has happened, to the people I mentioned above. As a writer I have often wondered what would become of me if someday, someplace, I would get vaulted to a higher level then where I have been and how would I react to it. Right now I would say not well. For you see life here in Crosslake, amongst the people I have been blessed to know and call my friends is very fulfilling to me.

The army used to have a recruiting slogan “Be all you can be.” I always felt that slogan should have said, “Be all you want to be.” I sometimes think that seemingly successful people who take their own lives from drugs and depression are all to often people who don’t want to be where they are but have no idea how to go back to wherever it is they do want to be, so they escape the only way they know how. That the demands of the public and their fans trumps their own desires and they are slaves onto themselves. I once had a boss who in her own right was a very good, loving person but when she was at work she turned into something not so nice. She was driven to be at the top and someday with her drive and talents I know she will be there but I am here to tell you-- she will not be happy and I feel bad for her.