REQUIEM FOR A SUNSHINE BOY

When we started our coffee group, called the “Sunshine Boys,” over fifteen years ago there was a core group of men who numbered around ten. There was another group of ten or so who came by now and then, so all in all it was a lively group but a respectable group. I was one of the younger ones. As the years have gone by, old age, disease and accidents has taken its toll and now there are very few of us left. Saturday we buried old Charlie and so the ranks thinned again. So many times we have celebrated the lives of our friends on days like this, but to be truthful there’s not many of us left to celebrate. Far more of us are below the earth then above it. From the start we controlled the rancor at our meetings. We kept contentious issues at bay and just enjoyed the fellowship that old friends find comforting. We rallied around the sick, told old stories over and over again, and poked good-natured fun at each other, but in the end we always left each other on a good note. We were as different as snowflakes but we always put the common good of the group ahead of any bias we had in life and we called it respect. Charlie was one of us. Charlie died from dementia and although I didn’t make the effort to go see him after he went into a facility, I know I should have. It didn’t matter if he knew me or not. I knew him and that was the most important thing. The people who have meant the most to me in life have always been the congenial and kind people like Charlie and not the brash and tough ones. I’ve mellowed in my old age. I didn’t always feel like this. But as I reflect on the times of when I was angry and unsettled in life, one thing stands out. That indifference to others views, that I had back then, never ended well. It never brought about compromise or cooperation. It only brought about more conflict. But to have that compromising attitude which is the only mindset to have to do business correctly, you have to be humble and I wasn’t always. Our society has all too often turned to anger and grandstanding lately to get their point across. I see it far to often in the people I talk to and I talk to a lot of people. You find yourself choosing your words so carefully, fully cognizant that one misspoke word or phrase will turn the whole conversation bad and forgiveness doesn’t come easy sometimes. This boiling bitterness lies just under the skin of a lot of people and can erupt in a hurry and if you’re not careful it can draw you in like quicksand and the more things get heated, the deeper and deeper you get into it. My mom used to say, “The things that are best said are sometimes left unsaid. That if you know you’re right you don’t have to prove it to anybody.” Maybe not the best mantra for a writer but good advice, never the less. “Be right in your mind not theirs,” She said. I have even known people who threatened physical violence to those who stand up to them. They usually end up void of friends and muttering to themselves. Charlie was a good man who left you with a smile. He was a Christian man and lived that kind of life to prove it. He will be missed but the bigger thing we should all take from this is a firm resolves for all of us, to be more like Charlie.