It’s been almost a year now since she left me and one of the
things that has changed dramatically for me is, I see couples in their twilight
years, in a whole new light. I guess I never knew what I really had until I
lost it. As we age together I think all of us, that have a spouse or
significant other, know that our lives can be separated quickly, I guess I just
didn’t think it would be me. I’m not sure the thought of dying scares us
anymore, at least not me; it’s just the thought of being alone the rest of my
life that is troubling. We don’t like change when we get old and we like to be
in charge of things but now we aren’t in charge of much anymore and change is
inevitable. For so many years we lived, loved and played together and we knew
each other better then we knew ourselves. We were what we thought to be an
inseparable team that always had each other’s back. We no longer criticized
each other when things went wrong but sadly we no longer congratulated each
other when things went right. We simply existed each day as one. I read this
somewhere, it’s not mine, but I’m going to use it. If I shed a tear for every time I wished we were still together. I
would be standing in a puddle of wishes.
Maybe that’s want God meant when he said in the good book
its not good for man to live alone. He, in his infinite wisdom, knew that when
you have someone to love and care for, you have so much more purpose in life.
Maybe I should have just said someone to care for instead of someone to love because
you never stop loving him or her. They don’t have to be front and center for
that. Distance only matters to the mind, not the heart and its impossible to
fall out of love. To those of us who have had children you see a little bit of
her or him in each one of them and that bring us some solace. After all that
was our purpose in life, was it not. To carry on the family values and
traditions and replace ourselves on Gods green earth.
Love for me was making her happy because without that there
was no way to achieve happiness for me. I learned that as life went on, because
life taught me that in everything I did. I found it also in what worked in life and what didn’t.
Through it all I came to a realization that there is a reason life goes on for
you. That God isn’t finished with you here on this earth and you owe it to a
lot of people to carry on. Our lives are like books. For some the book is thin
but some of the best stories I have ever read were short ones. It was
substance, not volume that made the story so great. For others the book is many
chapters long and if you were lucky the story was so intriguing you couldn’t
put it down. Sadly for many, they can’t wait for the story to be over. For me hopefully
there is a sequel. I love sequels because it’s a chance to bring the story back
to life. But you do have to be careful because you want to try and embellish
the original story and not ruin the whole thing.
So I’ve run the gauntlet and spent each holiday, birthday
and anniversary without her at least once. My puddle of wishes is slowly drying
up and I’m looking forward to what life still has in store for me and feeling
blest. Blest that I had her as long as I did.
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