FATHERS DAY

                                                

Last Sunday was Father’s Day, and as I thought about what to write to honor our dads, I wanted it to be something different than I usually write. I didn’t want to write about my dad, or my grandpa, as deserving as that would have been. I fully realize that many of you also had a great dad like I had, and your memory bank is full of fond memories of him. For some of our younger people, you are still reaping the benefits of a loving father. You know now how much that man means to you. Sadly, for some of us, instead of “we know now what he means to us,” it’s “what he meant” to us. But I wanted to also write to all of the people who, as they were growing up, never had a dad in their lives—because I know you could tell us better than anyone what it was you missed the most. I want to write about it today, because I believe “missing fathers” is a part of the problem in our society today.

What is a good dad made of, and what is it that you, as an absent father, missed out on by not being there? Then there are those who, as a father, couldn’t be there through no fault of their own, and what did you both miss out on? I’m not here to cast any stones or make any judgments. I’m just here to paint a picture of what I believe a father’s role is in the family, and why it’s so important to both of you.

We come into life, virtually, as blank slates. From the day we are born until adulthood, our dads play such an important part in our development. All too often we think of dad as the breadwinner and the protector in the family, and that may have been true many years ago, but roles have changed so much, and in a lot of families it’s just not true anymore. My mom never worked outside of the home and my dad worked from sunup to sundown to provide for his large family. This role gave us, his kids, very little time with him as he was largely busy. Somehow though, as hard as it was for him, he made time. For us kids, it was almost a competition for Dad’s attention.

Fast forward to today with many moms working, and dads have had to learn how to brush out a little girl’s hair and make a ponytail; balance two kids in his lap, and read them a bedtime story; make macaroni and cheese for supper, and take three kids, in their pajamas, to the Dairy Queen to keep a promise. Or just sit and hold a colicky baby that cries every time you lay her down. It seems that the line we had in the sand between mom’s roles, and dad’s roles, has been largely erased. But, in a way, that is good. For you see, from the time she and you made the decision to have a family, you made a commitment, not only to the child but to each other, to be there for your kids. Eighteen years is not a long time and that’s about all the time you get to make your mark with that child. Not only to provide for them and nourish them, but also to teach them the things only a parent can teach a child. Things that come sprinkled with the love only a parent can give. Life is filled with many precious moments, but believe me, none are so special as the time you have with your kids.

Think back to a time when you rocked your infant child to sleep. As you held him/her in your arms, you looked down at them sleeping, and for a brief moment, nothing could be more serene than that picture lying in front of you. All your hopes and dreams lay there, wrapped up in that tiny child. You knew, then and there, what a father’s purpose in life really was.

TIME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

                                    

I have had many lists that I have compiled over the years. There is my wish list, which rarely changes because---well lets face it. It’s a wish list and Publishers Clearing House hates me. My bucket list that changes a lot because I have fulfilled a few things off it and found a few more things that tickled my fancy. My honey do list because I like doing things for her as she does for me. My Christmas list and my grocery list are two more. Then there is my dreaded S#@% list although to be honest I found it distasteful a long time ago and I don’t have anyone on that one anymore. I have found there are people in life I should tastefully ignore. I also realize they probably have the same opinion of me and I learned a long time ago, if the tail isn’t wagging and the lips are pulled back. Moving on is the best move.

I have become more adventurous in my old age and a Lot of things that were on my bucket list; have been brought front and center. Especially since I have an adventurous companion to share the fun with. I have told you many times that I’m a realist and I know that time is not on my side and its almost time for me to fish or cut bait. For years it was always something to not get that worked up about. Tomorrow would come and with it a new opportunity. But lately the handwriting on the wall gets bolder and bolder. This spring, for the first time, in a long while, I had some health concerns and nothing that was really going to put me down for the long haul but long enough to get my attention and it did.

Bob Dylan wrote in his lyrics to “The Times they are a changin. “Come gather round people, wherever you roam, and admit that the waters around you have grown and except it that soon you will be drenched to the bone. If your time to you is worth saving, then you better start swimming or you’ll sink like a stone. For the times they are a changin.” Dylan was a young man when he wrote these lyrics and ironically he and I are the same age. He had great foresight and I bet those prophetic words mean much more to him today, they when he wrote them.

For so many of us elders the times they really are a changin and like it or not we can choose to except it or ignore it, but we can’t overrule it. Were not in charge anymore. As humans we live our entire lives in three dimensions, the past, the present and the future. There was a time when the future was bright and less uncertain and we couldn’t wait to live it, just as soon as we could get there and we all planed on doing just that. As for the past, we were still making most of our memories and they were way too fresh to ruminate on so we essentially lived in the moment with an eye to the future. But there comes a time later in life when we still live much of our time in the moment like we always did-- but now our eyes are turned 180 degrees to the past, more and more and more each day.

Here’s Dylan again.

“The line it is drawn, the curse it is cast. The slow one now will later be fast. As the present now will later be past. The order is rapidly fading and the first one now will later be last. For the times they are a changin.”

I wonder if he realized back then how spot on he was. I know when I heard those words back in the sixties they didn’t mean what they mean to me now.

TO THE GRADUATES

                                                

I have written often about the troubles that beset our nation and how we, the oldest generation were not good stewards of this country. How greed and power caused us to ignore the ramifications of our style of living and we have left those of you who are just starting your adult journey, holding a lot of baggage. Life will throw you enough curve balls on its own and having to deal with someone else’s mess only adds more pain to the misery. But if there is one thing life has taught me along the way, it’s not to give up and sometimes, what is done is done and you need to get by it. Far better to be a survivor then a quitter.

The bad decisions that have placed this nation in peril are only part of the problem. The other part of it is the world gets more complicated by the day. More pressure on people to be connected by electronic technology. More demands on your time and talents, all in a never-ending rat race to rise to the top of the ladder. Mediocrity seems to not be fashionable anymore; you need to be a doctor or a professor and not a carpenter or a farmer. There is no glory in that and in the meantime the roles of mothers and fathers have been diminished. Right now the birth rate in this country isn’t keeping up with the deaths. And if you do the math we will end up with a whole lot of silver heads and no one to care for them.

But back to being survivors. For every problem there is a solution and yes some of them are more elusive then others. Its not the degree of difficulty that gets in the way as often as the willingness to confront the problem and do something about it and not tomorrow-- but right now. You as graduates have some hard decisions to make but recognize that most of the wrong decisions have largely been made all ready. Look around you and it’s easy to see what works and what doesn’t. If you have the fortitude, the tenacity not to repeat the past, you can and will change this. You have a mess to clean up yes-- but that’s what life is all about-- cleaning up messes and most often not your own.

I am going to give you some advice that will make your job easier and in the long run will spurn cooperation with your peers and that is an essential part. Number one respect and love your fellow man and this earth. I’m not going to get all Christian on you but this country was founded on Christian principals. That was one of the hard-core rules of our founders and believe me it works. The old golden rule. Number two turn your back on greed and power and listen to your own inner voice. You are the people that will save this country through a cooperative effort and not through the bobble heads in Washington who are manipulated by money and power. Hopefully in the course of a few elections you could change that too. Resolve to leave this earth a far better place then you found it, so some day when you are old and outside looking in like I am, you can truthfully say to the graduates of your day. “We brought this nation back from the path of destruction and if you pay attention to what has happened, you can see, we have left you a whole lot of good examples and all you really have to do now, is maintain the status quo.”

                                   

I received a wedding invitation in the mail today. One I have been expecting for a long time. It was from a wonderful young lady who chose to take my grandson into her heart a long time ago-- and now has said, “I want to live my life with you.” All my grandchildren are special to me but Michael has a little edge. For one thing he is my namesake and that is special to me. “I know Mike, it was your dad and mothers doings to name you like that but it is special to me just the same. It’s helped me over the last twenty years to be a better person because I never wanted to bring shame, onto that name, knowing you had to wear it too.”

One other thing that makes Mike special to me is his high values and ideals and especially in a world that is constantly tugging our young people in other directions. Mike has shown others and me that he values love and respect for others because he has displayed that in the way he carries and conducts himself. The love he has for his family and for his bride to be is obvious. This is the fourth of my eight grandchildren to get married so I’m not new at this. Regrets. Only the fact their grandmother isn’t here to share in it.

I would be disingenuous to not say that I do have one more regret. One Mike and his fiancé had no part in. My regret is seeing these two young people going out into the world, when my generation has done its best to make it hard for them. We have saddled them with enormous debt, spending money this country doesn’t have, for useless wars and give away programs and while we are bowing out, they’re left holding the bill. We have taken most of the credibility this country had when I was Mike’s age and blown it in a never-ending struggle to achieve world dominance. All we have to show for it is, living life one day at a time bouncing from crisis to crises.

I genuinely hope that Mike and his Fiancé have not lost their resolve, as I seem to have. I hope that they and their generation will at some point turn this country around and bring it to its senses. I hope that someday when his son takes a wife or his daughter takes a husband, the mess we are in will behind them and he won’t have to write anything like this. That truthfulness, integrity, honesty and love will be words that will become commonplace again. That this country will once again be seen as the shining city on the hill pointing the way for others. We live by examples in life and that goes for the bad ones as well as the good ones. They both point the way to what works and what doesn’t. We’ve given you most of the bad examples Mike. Maybe that’s not a lot for us to cheer about, when the best you can do is only be used as a bad example but it is something to use.

I hope and pray that your life together will be blessed and that maybe someday you will remember me not as someone who just wanted to gripe about things but someone who loves you both so much and want’s you both to love and cherish each other for the rest of your lives. God bless you both and God bless America.

Grandpa