I have neighbors next door who have lived along side of us,
here at the lake, for over twenty-five years. Over the years, we became the
best of friends. We traveled and played together on vacations and we fished and
swam together down at the beach. We ate many meals together and drank pots of
coffee trying to solve all of our problems. We watched each others grandkids
grow up, shared our pets and remembered each other’s birthdays and
anniversaries. Then it all changed.
It seemed to unravel the most when my wife died and we were
no longer a foursome. It was as if it was awkward to go anywhere, not paired
up. So they stopped asking. We had this ugly glass plate I bought at an auction
that said happy anniversary on it and each year we would wrap it up in gift
paper and exchange it on our anniversaries, just as a joke. I think we got the
better of the deal because their anniversary was just a couple of months after
ours so we didn’t have to hold it very long. We spent long afternoons together sitting
on the deck, in the shade of the house, gossiping and getting to know each
other’s lives like our very own. We held keys to each other’s houses and kept a
careful eye on the others property.
Then a couple of weeks ago the “For Sale” sign went up next door. I stood and looked at it, and as
much as I understood why-- because of their health and taking care of the
place-- it seemed like such a tragic end to our friendship. Oh, I know they’re
only going back to the cities and it’s not that far away. But life has taught
me that most friendships are cemented in common interests like work or play and
that’s something that isn’t going to exist any more. To be truthful, for me, it
left when my wife died. I have gone to so many funerals of people I haven’t seen
for years. Maybe that's why the words, “Paying your final respects,” was coined.
So new neighbors huh? One of the things that happens, as you
age, is you don’t tolerate change as well any more. You like the status quo.
It’s predictable and you don’t like surprises anymore. Maybe its because you
had nothing to compare it to when this all started and now you do and that can
be very unfair but it’s human nature. Life, at least for me, is like a series
of earthquakes. For years there were always little tremors that came and went
and you rolled with the punches. A little damage here or there, but nothing
earth shattering. Then the death of a partner and the 9.2 that rocks your world
and three years later you’re still recovering. But what is the most bothersome now
to me, are the aftershocks, like the end of a friendship. Each one makes you
flinch a little because you don’t want to see them coming. Each one makes you a
little weaker and you start to realize your own fragility.
We need to live life in the moment and I know that’s easy to
talk about and hard to do. In A.A. Milne’s Winnie-the-Poo. Poo ask’s, “What day is it?” “It’s today,” squeals
piglet. “My favorite day,” says Poo.
That’s the attitude we need. If only we could convince ourselves that it is us,
and not future events that determine if we are going to be happy tomorrow or
not. Each day we live, prepares us for the next one but we shouldn’t have to
worry about the next day until it gets here.
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