GRUDGES

                                                         

I once talked to a man who told me ‘He never wanted to get dementia because he couldn’t bear to forget all of his grudges.” As sad as dementia is, and I surely don’t want to make light of it, forgetting your grudges would in my estimation be a good thing. To have the God given ability to cleanse your mind and not walk around hating somebody or something the rest of your life-- well to me-- that is a blessing.

We once had a neighbor who was one of the most negative people I ever met. She found no good in almost everything and everybody and she would be the first to tell you so. I worked with, and was close friends with her husband, so socially we were somewhat drawn together, like it or not. My wife who was the polar opposite of her tried her best to help her form a better attitude but most of the times she left my wife in tears. To the point that I finally said, just quit associating with her. A natural inclination for most people, because as my father used to say, “When you hang out with skunks pretty soon you all smell like skunks.” To make a long story shorter her husband and my long time friend passed away, so I went to his funeral. They had been divorced for a long time and I hadn’t seen her for twenty years. She was there and I offered her my condolences but she turned on her heel and walked away from me. It’s hard for me to understand that level of hate.

I have on occasion been caught up in negative feelings for someone. It’s not a good feeling and even if you can’t mend fences I keep telling myself move on with it. Life is just too short to spend anymore time then you have to, being miserable. I have a good friend who I worked with for a long time and one of the things I so admired her for was her ability to be the bright spot in the room. Life hasn’t always been that kind to her but somehow she usually found a way to get beyond her troubles. Sometimes when I’m feeling sarcastic or negative about people or things, I have to say to myself. Be more like she is. If you admire her for that-- then be more like that. She doesn’t own it, she’s sharing it and intended or not it’s such a good example.

I think of the petty reasons people don’t get along sometimes, such as different political views or religious beliefs and it’s baffling how these people think their so called adversary’s are not entitled to their own beliefs or viewpoints. If that’s the only reason you don’t like an otherwise decent person, you are as they say, “Throwing the baby out with the bath water.” If the person is just not a good person, them so by all means move on with it.

If there is one thing about crabby people I have experienced, it is that most of the time if you leave them alone they will leave you alone. There just not out to win friends and influence people. They prefer to stew in their own juices. I for one would like that they not be that way but if after trying to be cordial and understanding you still can’t bridge the gap-- well the world is so full of good and happy people if you look for them so go find them.