LONELINESS

Many years ago, on a Christmas Eve, I went to the care center where my father in law was being cared for to pick him up and take him to our house for the holiday. As I wheeled him through the hallways to the entrance, I passed many other residents that weren’t going anywhere for Christmas. They had no place to go, no one to share Christmas with. I tried not to look at their sad faces, and muttered some halfhearted “Merry Christmas” to some of them. Selfishly I just wanted to get out of there.

I have written before about loneliness and not just with the elderly or shut-ins. I have tried to imagine what It must be like to not be needed anymore. This past week I have been home trying to keep my distance from everyone as this virus rages around our country. But in essence, it is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to true loneliness. I have at my disposal phones and computers. Televisions and music players. Book cases full of books and the daily newspaper. Yet I’m lonely.

There is no substitute for human interaction. All those lonely old people, in that rest home so many years ago, wanted nothing more from me then just too sit down and listen to them. A handshake, a hug, share a cup of coffee and just not be ignored. There is nothing that rips at the very essence of my being, more than being isolated from those I Love. Yet for me and most of us there is hope that this thing will run its course and we will once again find that happiness that we can only find in each other, face to face. Maybe this will help us appreciate it-- the way we should have.

We all need to be needed and not just during the most productive parts of our lives but for the rest of our lives. What greater education is there then the wisdom that comes from living a life well served. No one throws a switch and you become stupid when you retire from active life. Yet its hard to be relevant, even when the advice you give is free for the taking. I was blessed with a wonderful grandfather who gave me advice that still lives with me today. I stood with my father in front of his open casket when he passed and Dad said. “I wish I was half the man he was.” Not to sell dad short, he too was a good dad but he was right about grandpa. He’s been gone for fifty some years but his wisdom still resonates with me today. He told me “It’s not so much what you accomplish in life that defines you. It’s what you become along the way.” I am sure there is some of my grandparents in all of those who have lived life well.

Over the years I was blessed to have so many friends in our coffee group. The group is largely gone now. Old age is the poster child for attrition. All of them were special in their own way but some of them just seemed to have lived such interesting lives you could listen to them for hours. My friend Gordy was one of them. He was fifteen years older than me so he had a fifteen-year head start when it came to storytelling. I never tired of listening to Gordy and when he died part of the heart of that group died with him. Somethings are hard to replace. At his funeral there wasn’t an empty seat. I am sure God was saying well done my good and faithful servant. I know it was what I was thinking.