If there is one word in our vocabulary that we seem not to
understand, it is the word “no.” This two letter, one syllable word, is the
most abused word we use. It has been replaced all too often by “but” and “maybe”
or “why not.” It’s lost most of its meaning and its authority. Why? Because,
for many people, they refuse to have someone else tell them they cannot do
something they want to do. I was once told that, “rules without consequences
are just mere advice.” The word, “no,’ when used emphatically, should have
consequences that uphold its meaning. In many cases it does, but in most cases,
it’s ignored.
I do it myself. The speed limit on most highways is 55, but
I set my cruise on 62. Why? Because in most cases, you will get away with it. I
once drove 55 from Brainerd to Foley on Highway 25. Every car behind me passed
me. I was more of a hazard on that curvy road than a law-abiding citizen. Maybe
they should say the suggested speed limit is 55. Watch people at stop signs and
right turns. “Stop” means to them, if the coast is clear, just slow down a
little. Maybe the signs should say “stop if you have to.” Who’s got time to
stop, anyway? To some people, “no littering” means “don’t thrown stuff out your
window when the cops are around.”
I have a new dog, and the first word I taught her is “No.”
I taught her this word because I knew she would be doing lots of things she
shouldn’t be doing. I gave her consequences, and for the most part, she does
stop what she is doing. Will she do it again? Yes, she’s a dog, not a Rhodes Scholar.
But, eventually, she won’t if I stick to my guns. It works with kids, too. I
know—I raised three of them. The word has to be used seriously—no mixed
messages. When your girlfriend says “no,” and then giggles, what does that
mean? It sure isn’t “no.” When I tell my dog “no” when she gets on the couch,
and then smile when I find her sleeping there so cute a short time later and do
nothing, I’ve lost the battle and my “no” means nothing.
When I grew up, my father was a disciplinarian. His “no”
meant “no.” If you tested him, you would lose. As I became older there were fewer
and fewer “no’s.” Had he changed? No, he was just letting me take the lead for
a change. He had put out the lesson plan a long time ago. He was tired of being
the judge and jury, and now it was time for me to either take his lead, or
learn my own lessons, sometimes the hard way. When I was small, I didn’t always
understand what he was talking about. I did it out of love and respect for the
man. My life plan today seriously mimics what he taught me. The world is a fast
changing world with some of the social beliefs we encounter. For many of us,
it’s hard to change our views and beliefs. Our rules in life come from a time
when they were deeply rooted in our faith and traditions. We had a set of
“no’s” we grew up with, and they worked for us, and for us to change, seriously
wears at our moral fabric. I have another saying I remember. “Lead, follow or
get out of the way.” Sometimes, to lead is very unpopular, but still necessary.
To follow can be a compromise on what we believe in, but to get out of the way
is also a hard choice, because it’s not that far from following when you think
about it.
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