GRANDPARENTS

Growing up, I was one of the lucky people who had a meaningful relationship with paternal grandparents. Because of divorce, I never knew my other grandparents, and that is sad. In the summer months, I would spend a week with Dad’s parents at their home in Northern Minnesota, and they made frequent visits to my parent’s home in Staples. When they got older and frailer, they moved to Staples and lived just blocks away from us so my dad could watch over them. They moved to the cities to a rest home about the same time that I was going out into the world, so I was able to continue to see them until their passing.

I think the relationship with grandparents is so special because here are people who love and care about you, without them having much disciplinary duty so, in a way, you’re more relaxed around them and you get a sense of what it was like for your parent to grow up in their home as a child. You also get a glimpse into how your parent compares to them as far as values are concerned. When we talk about the erosion of our morals and values in today’s society, to be able to go back in time another generation really brings things into perspective.

My dad was a great dad, but his dad was my hero. He had an air about him that is hard to explain, it just garnered instant respect. He loved people and went out of his way to meet them and make friends—and he had a lot of them. My dad was more reserved, and although he got along with people, he was not that outgoing. I think, in my own life, I have chosen to be more like grandpa because I had his example to look back on. I am sure, had I never met him, my life would be quite different. Now to be fair, I am sure Grandpa was on his best behavior around me. A luxury not always afforded my father.

In a way, grandparents can be supplemental parents, if we let them. I think most kids would like the opportunity to have that relationship with grandpa and grandma, and I think most grandparents would like to be an influence in their grandchildren’s lives. This can, sometimes, become a little bit of a balancing act because, as grandparents, you may think you know your children well, but your child’s spouse has equal interest in those kids. His/her views and wishes have to be taken into consideration, too, or you become this divisive character—and that does more harm than good.

Divorce and separation of your children can cause a lot of heartaches for grandparents. For many of them, they are robbed of having any kind of a relationship with their grandchildren. A few weeks back I spoke with a wonderful lady who said, “It wasn’t just losing her grandchildren, but losing a daughter-in-law she had grown to love, too, when her son went through with a divorce.” In times like this, as grandparents and parents, you seem powerless and torn. Sir Walter Scott’s words, “Oh what a tangled web we weave,” rings through my head as I write this, but in this case it has nothing to do with deception—just the cruel ironies of life itself for grandparents.