I have now lived, where I presently reside, for over thirty years. In 1988 when we bought the place, there was just a garage and an old trailer house on the lot. For many years it was just a summer playground for all of us at the lake. A place for the kids and grandkids to play at and it made our family’s get togtether’s so much more meaningful. I had always wanted a place at a lake up north and I wasn’t sure if my wife was just trying to appease me, as she often did, or if she really enjoyed it too.
Then in 1996 we decided to build a new home on the lot and we planed on moving there after retirement. The rest is history. We decided to do most of it ourselves to save money, so for the next five years, every weekend, every vacation was spent working on the project. As for me, I had dabbled in construction over the years so much of it was nothing new-- but for her, who was determined to do her part-- it was a steep learning curve. I have always said if most people had my late wife’s work ethic, unemployment in this country would not exist. She did all of the sanding, painting and sheet rock taping and she learned as she went. She was always on the other end of the tape measure for me and she was my biggest critic and loudest supporter at the same time. Even when we didn’t agree, she never deserted me, she just became more resolute. She wanted it right or not at all.
Seven years ago she followed the angels out the door one Saturday afternoon and left me alone in this beautiful home, filled with the memories we had made but then by myself and broken hearted. Some days even now so many years later, as I walk around the yard and pause at the flowerbeds she planted. I realize that this place is a stage she made for both of us but it’s now largely an empty one, for the main actor has left the theater. Last year I entertained the idea of selling the place and moving into something more my size. It’s a big house and a lot of upkeep. But as much as that makes sense, as I look out my office window today and over the backyard, I guess I finally realized that’s not what she would want me to do.
I now have Pat and I’ve told you about her and what her companionship means to me. She’s experienced the same memories and taken that same trip as I have. She has lived in her house longer then I have in mine and she intends to stay put and now she’s urging me to stay put too. So basically I have two women talking to me and giving me advice. One I can’t talk back to and one I better not talk back to.
My kids tell me “Dad do what you want to do. We’ll support you.” Secretly I think they would rather see my money tied up in the house where I can’t spend it, then in my pocket. Tomorrow is Fathers Day and I’m going to Pat’s for dinner. No one is coming to see me but it’s not that they don’t care. One daughter is in Arizona. One is hidden away on a farm in Wisconsin and my son in Big Lake-- where he works about every day of the week but if I called him and told him I needed him, he would be here posthaste. My grandkids are largely grownup and have busy lives and babies and other sides of the family and the beat goes on. So what do I do about it? Well I write about it and I bet I’m writing today for a lot of old people.
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