I have often thought if I could come back to this earth after I die, as some other creature, what would it be? Maybe a bear? No, there not very social creatures and everyone tries to avoid them or shoot them. I also don’t want to spend my whole winter living in a dirty hole under a tree. How about a wolf? No although they are the smartest of the animals and have great family ties there are growing concerns of people coexisting with them and if people get their way, there just going to kill them all, so someone can hang their hides on a wall someday and talk about their big kill for the rest of their lives, like Frank Buck on steroids.
Maybe a raccoon, they’re cute and love to play and roam around. But wait, they never learned, unlike the chicken, how to cross the road with out getting run over and that seems like a gross way to die with a tire track across your butt and your tongue hanging out. Porcupines are just too ugly and skunks stink. Deer, well they have the same problems the raccoons have with the cars and come November they’re public enemy number one and its all out war. Squirrels are out as I hate acrobatics and as far as being a domestic animal, I don’t want to be someone’s pet and get hauled to the vet for a bunch of shots and get my glands expressed and told I’m fat. I also want to be the judge of whether I can reproduce or not, so no sniping off anything.
So maybe animals are out and I need to expand my horizons. Maybe take a look at the birds of the air or the fish of the sea. But I have to say something right now about being a fish. Seriously you want someone to be dangling food or imitation food in front of your face and trying to entice you to bite into it, so they can yank you aboard their boat and show you off, until your ready for your last breath. Then they throw you back where you came from or eat you? Not so much. You know fish aren’t really the sharpest knife in the drawer and I know that’s a very insensitive analogy. But basically a fishes’ life sucks and what about in the winter in this country when you have three feet of ice over your head for five months, wow talk about claustrophobia. So I guess that leaves me to the birds.
Now birds exist from the tiniest hummingbirds to the big eagles and I do see some benefits in being a bird. I like the eagles but I don’t have the temperament to just go around killing ducklings, baby rabbits and an occasional poodle. They’re just nasty birds to tell the truth. Ducks and geese—well if you like packing up and going south every winter and not on Delta by the way. That’s just way too much wing flopping, for me. I’m not sure either if you ever saw the breeding process of ducks and geese but those males are not much on foreplay and no flowers or candy girls. Once the eggs are in the nest and they have done their nasty deed, they’re no place to be found. We got a few people like that around here now and believe me it’s a trouble spot. I would enjoy the liberty of flying around and finding the hood of some shiny new Cadillac to leave my mark on. That would be hilarious. Also I like to sing, so that’s down my alley but yeah I’m thinking maybe a humming bird. Living on sugar all day would be fantastic and darting around the world like Speedy Gonzales-- well that speaks volumes to me. Yep. I want to be a humming bird in my next life.
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