A few weeks ago I wrote an essay called what is true love?” Sometimes I feel that those of us who were successful in love and marriage seem to want to dictate to those younger people in our families, what true love really looks like. Not sure if were bragging or teaching but sometimes you hear a story from young person that says, “You really didn’t need our advice did you?”
I heard this story at a family gathering from my nephew and his wife. My nephew had gone out to Oregon to go to college, after a somewhat rocky start out of high school. He needed a change in scenery so he took the trek to the west coast. His family all lives in the Midwest. While in college he met a young lady from Romania and they dated, but the time came for her to go home and so she said they had to say goodbye. He asked her to get engaged and she said she wasn’t sure how she felt about that or if he really felt that serious about her. She went back to Romania. He wasn’t taking no for an answer so he saved his money and went to Romania to find her. Long story short they were married a while later. I asked her what changed her mind and she told me, “She did love him and yes, she wasn’t sure about his love for her but after he chased me halfway around the world I know it was real.” She said.
I sometimes ask myself, “What kept people together so many years ago and has it changed. When I look at my own family and go back to my uncles, aunts and grandparents I find very few broken marriages. Does that mean they were happy ones? Not necessary but yet they stayed together happy or not. Is that good or not?
It’s good for the kids as long as they’re not involved in disagreements. A mom and a dad are necessary to show kids what a good family structure looks like. Now I know there are many single parents that do well but I bet they would be the first to tell you that it’s not easy and I bet most of them don’t really want it that way.
I guess what I am trying to say is, true love is no different now then it was way back then. The feelings of love, the attraction to each other-- that hasn’t changed. What has changed is the rules we used to live by. Divorce once had a stigma that no one wanted to be associated with. It was akin to a personal failure and yes Hollywood did it every day but that was Hollywood and I think that many of us felt they did it for publicity as much as for anything. They felt little shame in it and seemed to be in a league of their own. Something else that has changed was co inhabiting before marriage. 50 years ago that was looked down on but now its common place. Now that in its self doesn’t change how people feel about each other but many of them never get around to tying the knot. They just don’t want that commitment and without that commitment it’s easier to walk away. I also think we don’t look at infidelity in the same shameful way that it was back then. It’s part of the permissiveness and lack of morality that seems to have taken over our lives. So many things that were wrong 50 years ago are no longer viewed that wrong anymore. Those two young people I talked about at the start of this---well they restored some of my faith in love and marriage.
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