If there is one emotion that we all experience in our lives,
that is a sad one and has my full empathy, it’s called loneliness. Just so you
know that this essay is not self-serving. It’s not me I’m talking about. I have
been blessed with friends, family and a special companion who has made my life
happy, despite my losses. No I’m
talking about the friends and acquaintances of mine that have been left behind
by the loss of a loved one. There have been so many lately and due to the age
of most of my friends that I’m talking about I’m sure there will be more. But
as a writer who sees all this sadness. I honestly believe that tears are words
that need to be written down so you can examine them more closely and within
those tears lies the answer.
We need to be careful when we talk about loneliness that we
don’t confuse it with solitude. Separation, that is beyond our control,
sometimes from the loss of a loved one, almost always brings on loneliness.
Solitude however is most often self-initiated because people just want some
alone time. I talk often about my walks in the woods where I go to sort things
out, without outside interference and how I enjoy being there, but I wouldn’t
want to live that way and yet I don’t do it to run away from anything either. I
just need some degree of temporary separation, from time to time.
There is in my heart—as I believe there is in everyone’s
heart—a love for someone or something that we just can’t let go of, or at least
it seems that way. It’s when we are actually confronted with this separation
that eventually we find out that’s not necessarily true. It’s not an easy
process or a quick process because it’s filled with so many memories of times,
and places and a life and a love gone by. But as time goes on you start to
realize how precious the time we have left really is. You get to a point that
instead of wishing away the days and hours, you count the seconds; and then you
count the time between the seconds and then one day you realize, that somewhere
out there exists another lonely heart, looking for those same bits of soothing
healing, that will help us push into the background, all of this pain and
suffering we seem to have had and bring some semblance of happiness back into
our lives. Anton Cheklov said, “If you
are afraid of loneliness do not marry.” But I ask you what is worse. “A
lifetime of self imposed loneliness, because you never wanted to lose anyone,
or a lifetime of sharing love and companionship while you can. It should be
noted that friendships and relationships are the antidote for loneliness.
There is a time when the tears and love you’ve had for your
lost one will trump all thoughts of moving on. You feel it will bring on
thoughts of unfaithfulness and you don’t want to desecrate their memory by
moving on with life right now. So you wait for life to sort out all of those
feelings and you mourn as any good spouse or friend would. There is no amount
of time that is right or appropriate. That’s only for you to say. But I’m here
to tell you that at some point you will ask yourself that inevitable question.
What would he or she want me to do? There are so many lonely people in this
world and if you are serious about living the time between those seconds and
still making someone happy in the process---and that includes more than you--
then I believe it will happen--- but only if you give it a chance.
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