It has been over three years since my wife passed away, and
I am finally finding it easier to talk about. That’s a good thing, right? Or is
it? I ask this question because some of the things I have been talking about, would
not be talked about if she were here, and by here I mean in close proximity.
Just so you understand where I am coming from—I will give you a little
background on our married life.
All of my life I have been somewhat of a humorist. My father
was that way, and it was the way I grew up. Here, in the Holst family, we often
temper our sadness with laughter. I know there are some out there that may find
that disrespectful, but believe me, my humor is given with all due respect. In
her case, there is not enough respect to go around that would show how I felt
about her. She was always what was known as a “good sport.” We grew up
together, we loved together and yes, we often laughed together.
A while back, I was out at coffee and at our table were some
ladies I know. I was adlibbing one of my stories about my wife, when one of the
ladies said to me, jokingly, “Your wife is going to put a curse on you.” I told
her, “I believe she already has.” I often think of that trip we will take from
this world to the next. In my mind, I see this shaft of bright lights going up
those silver stairs to the clouds, and at the top is that receiving line of all
of my past relatives and friends. The very first one in line will be my wife,
standing with her hands on her hips, tapping her toe on the floor and giving me
the look. She will say words to the effect of… “You just couldn’t help
yourself, Michael, could you!”
Mark Twain said, and I quote, “You go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.” Being
a realist and a man of good faith, and knowing what is expected of all of us to
reach the pearly gates, I have to admit, I probably will have friends in both
places. I think though, given the choice, I will go with the better climate.
That is, if I have a choice. To my parish priest, if you’re reading this and
shaking your head, I want to say… “Believe me Father, I’m not assuming
anything, I’m just saying.”
I hope that, when my time comes, everybody who comes to my
funeral—and here again I am assuming—will have a laugh or two, even if it’s at
my expense. I hope that if Lee is there, he will have a new joke for once, and
right now, I am going to be the bigger man here and wave that thirty-second
rule we impose on him at coffee. For one time only, Lee. I’m just warning you
people, don’t let him get started.
Just so no rumors get started, I am feeling fine right now.
I just had my yearly physical, and the doc gave me a C plus. However, I have
heard that she grades on a curve and everybody gets a C plus. I just wanted to
clear the air here a little bit. I don’t want any of my relatives coming over,
looking around and taking notes and pictures with their cameras. I don’t want
any more correspondence from realtors, or scooter chair and walk-in bathtub
dealers. I just want to have a laugh or two.
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